Sunday, December 23, 2012

After The Death of a Child Comes Grief

I found I had so many questions and so few answers after my toddler died.

In 1989 I was 28 years old, happily married and living in a new home with two beautiful, healthy, young children.Within moments the pain of grief pierced my heart. My toddler was dead, and I experienced the absolute lowest point in my life and had no idea how I was going to survive. I wanted to die too.

It was at this time I was encouraged to keep a journal of my feelings and emotions which I did. Doing this exposed and off loaded my deepest emotions of grief. Little did I know then, that it;was going to be a significant part of my healing process.

It took me two years to forgive myself and others and begin to heal but I did. Slowly my life began to make sense again.

When the wounds of grief after the death of my toddler were raw, I found great peace from expressing my feelings; either through the written word or in conversation. Often conversation was difficult because it triggered tears or there was the absence of a listening ear when I needed it most. It was for this reason I am grateful that I was introduced to and began to use the healing art of journaling.

I once read and have since discovered that it is in the expression of emotions that healing happens. I found that over time, writing things down began to clear my confused mind and helped me to move forward.

I know of parents who have not survived, either in their physical or mental health, in their marriage, or in being able to function as loving parents to their remaining children. I know of parents who have tragically taken their own lives in desperation of never learning how to enjoy life again. The pain of living without healing can become too great for some to cope with.

Everyone grieves in their own personal way and in their own time. No one has the right to change that process for you. Life is constantly throwing choices at you and it is up to you and not anyone else to make the right choice to help you move forward.

Experiencing the death of a child is an indescribable loss that parents carry with them forever. You never get over such a tragedy. You learn to live with its memory and overtime you gain the strength you need to carry the weight of pain.

If you have experienced the death of a loved one you will find yourself going through these stages at some point. They may occur at different levels and at different times but overtime they will generally happen.

I truly wish no one had to experience the despair and emptiness that is felt after the death of a child but if you can embrace your journey and hang on tight for the ride, you will make it to the other side of healing, to lead a whole, happy and productive life again. You will have experienced an indescribable depth of life that only few experience.

My Journal as an eBook.

Jan Murray has been committed to studying and working as a Registered Nurse, Midwife and Child Health Nurse for over 25 years. Jan is a mother of five, (eldest deceased as a toddler), Child Health Consultant who co-founded and directs Settle Petal. Jan provides information and support for parents to develop their knowledge base and confidence. Receive your FREE Routines eBook and feel supported raising babies and toddlers at Unlock a secret to helping babies settle, sleep and grow.

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